Happy Birthday Cait!

[dicreasy2]

Happy Birthday Cait!  I hope you have a great day!

This is a two part birthday wish though, because I've also written you a crackfic.  Enjoy!


Title:  Honesty.
Prompt: Inspired by two sim_spiration prompts: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all, and voluminous.
Rating: U. 
Summary:  Bella gets a new dress.
Notes:  This is a complete crackfic that came to me as I lay trying to get back to sleep in the wee small hours of the morning, so I take no responsibility for anything within it.  It takes place in the same universe as my +8000 meme response, quite a few months after that one is set.  Also, although that universe is set in the same time as my legacy one, and Bella normally wears Empire line dresses, like she does back home, this dress is in the style that became popular in the Romantic era of the 1840s.
Word Count: 687

“What is your opinion?” asked Isabella as she twirled in front of her wife. “Does it not look well on me?”

Sarah Jane regarded her critically before finally saying. “It looks very, er, nice.”

Isabella stopped twirling and pursed her lips. “You paused before saying nice. You do not like it.”

“I do. I said it looked nice.”

“You do not.”

“I do!”

“But you paused as you said it was nice, implying that you, in fact, do not like it. What is it you do not like about it?” Bella asked gesturing down at her new frock. “Is it the colour?”

Sarah Jane put down her embroidery and sighed. “No, the colour looks exceedingly well on you.”

“Then it must be the cut.”

Sarah Jane paused again, and Bella’s face lit up in triumph. “It is the cut! What is it you find so offensive about it, pray tell.”

“It is very,” Sarah Jane waved a hand, “voluminous.”

“Voluminous,” repeated Bella, her eyebrows climbing towards her hairline.

Realising she now had to elaborate on her remark, Sarah Jane said “I only mean that crinolines went out of fashion last decade.”

Bella’s ample bosom swelled as she looked down her nose at her wife. “I am not wearing a crinoline.” Her tone could have etched glass.

“Crinolettes were passé at the beginning of this decade too.”

“I am not wearing a crinolette either!”

Sarah Jane raised an eyebrow and lent forward to look more closely at Bella’s skirts. “Then, how many petticoats are you wearing?”

“Only three!”

“Surely you jest. Skirts do not achieve such volume without the studious help of structural underpinnings.”

Bella crossed her arms and glared at Sarah Jane. “I realise that it is difficult for some, bony people to comprehend, but there are those of us who are made as the good Lord intended, with wide hips, and magnificent bosoms. To whit, the very shape certain skeletal people try to achieve with the judicious application of whalebone, ribbon, steel and padding!”

Sarah Jane noted the two bright spots that had appeared on her wife’s cheeks and fought to suppress a smile. “You forget, my dear wife,” she said, “that I have intimate knowledge of every inch of your body, and, even with your generous proportions, you cannot fill out a skirt so, without some form of aid.”

Bella gave a huff before turning on her heel and storming out the room. Naturally, Sarah Jane followed. “I am certain that you are aware of this my dear Isabella, but by turning your back on me and retreating to your rooms, you are confirming to me, that I am, in fact correct, and you have exhausted all arguments,” she called as she started up the stairs after her companion.

Bella whirled round so suddenly, Sarah Jane almost lost her step and fell backwards. “No!” she said walking down a couple of steps until she was nose to nose with Sarah Jane. “I am merely completely and utterly fed up with the obvious fact that you are jealous of me, for having a new frock made, when you are slopping around in that old rag. Honestly my dear, did your mother not say to you, that if you cannot say anything nice, do not say anything at all? Now if you will excuse me, this whole enterprise has been most tiring, and I feel the need to retire for a nap.” She spun on her heel and started back up the stairs, lifting her skirts as she did so. Sarah Jane smiled as she spotted something. “Only three petticoats Bella? I would say you were wearing at least half a dozen.”

Bella’s step faltered, before she recovered herself and headed to her rooms. The slamming of the door, was echoed by the unmistakable click of the lock being turned. Sarah Jane leaned over the bannister as she looked at the hall clock. She counted with the mechanism, and when she reached ninety-three, she heard the equally unmistakable sound of Bella’s door unlocking. With a smile, Sarah Jane started back up the stairs to her wife’s chambers.