dicreasy2 | The Punishment of Joe Grundstrom

You really are spoiling us Di." Said Cait as we re-appeared.

"I'm glad you think so." I replied.

"Well that is certainly a different way of travelling." Said Theo as he made sure that he still had all his limbs.

"Di you brought Nummy Theo with us." Said Doc, a huge smile on her face.

"Course, I'm not cruel enough to put you together only to tear you apart again." I replied.

"No, you're only cruel enough to have my poor Eddie marry Marielle." Said Denise.

"And cruel enough to have Marielle make Beth sad." Added Orikes.

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Yes, I'm only that cruel.

Look are you all ready for the finale now?"

"Yes."

"Hell yeah."

"Of course." The answer was unanimous.

"Let's go then." The light was blinding as we all vanished.

As the bright light cleared it became obvious that we were seated in an arena of some kind.

"We appear to be in a gladiator arena." Said Doc.

"Yes, what's going on?" Added Denise.

"Well you see, this idea had to happen in a quasi-classical amphitheatre. At least in my mind it did."

"Hey Di." Said Orikes,

"Yes."

"Is that Beth and William over there?"

"Yeah. Even with all of us simselves the amphitheatre wasn't full enough so I've invited a few more people. You've met everyone here, but the last time you saw them they weren't necessarily at this life stage."

"So that's why Spider Jerusalem has materialised." Said Doc.

"Yes I needed another body and Miss Warrior-Princess likes him. A lot."

Over on the other side of the arena Stanley looked around. Although his cousin was sitting on one side of him, there were plenty of young ladies here he would like to get to know better.

He turned to Jamie and smiled at her. "This is certainly a change of pace to what I am used to. Have you any idea what Miss Di has planned? I am Stanley Legacy by the way."

"Yes Stanley I know," replied Jamie, "and can I just say that I love you."

Stanley blinked at her. "You know normally it takes slightly more than me telling a beautiful lady my name to make her love me."

In the row in front Archie snorted. "If it takes more than that you're doing it wrong."

Stanley rolled his eyes at him. "Where I come from Mr Vetinari, there is an art to courtship and wooing a lovely lady. Saying 'I'm Archie, wanna see the rest of my tattoos?' just does not cut it."

Next to him Louisa blushed. She hadn't realised Stanley had overheard her telling Rosemary and Vicky about her first meeting with Archie.

Jamie decided to intervene. "I have no idea what Di is planning, but if what we have already seen is anything to go by, we’ll like it."

I stood up and looked around. "You know I think we should be getting started." I clapped my hands and a lone figure walked into the arena.

"Hi guys hiii! This is so shrew! I'm going to get to use my big sword!"

Jessica giggled. "This is going to be fun."

Joe suddenly appeared in the middle of the arena in a flash of light.

"What the devil is going on now?" He asked spinning round.

Gin drew her sword and advanced on him.

"Prepare foul beast to enter a world of pain with which you are not familiar!"

Joe looked at her in amazement. "Huh?"

"Grab a sword and let's fight!" She replied.

"You are crazy! All of you are nuts."

"Yes," I agreed, "but in a good way. Look Joe, if you don’t pick up the sword Gin'll just run you through quicker."

Gin suddenly lunged at Joe, and with a yell he leapt backwards. He circled round to the sword rack and grabbed a sword from it.

Now they were both fighting. In the stands opposite Circe was on the edge of her seat shouting "Go Gi-in, go Gi-in, go Gi-in."

Abigail was encouraging Gin in a different way. "Come on, just stab him, slash him, kill him, KILL HIM!"

Everyone was getting into the fight, cheering Gin on."

With a final flourish Gin lunged at Joe and hit him squarely.

Joe staggered backwards,

Dropped his sword and let out a gurgle as he fell to the floor.

In the stands we went wild.

"We're cheering a sim's death." Said Annie turning to Katy. "Does that make us bad people?"

"It's Joe." Said Katy as way of explanation.

"True." Replied Annie and stopped worrying.

In the centre of the arena Gin was celebrating her win as Grimmy picked up Joe.

"Woo, was that shrewtastic or what? I love my big sword, I really do."

"I think Gin enjoyed that." Said Doc turning to Theo.

"Yes and it was good fun to watch too." He smiled.

Gin was still dancing in the centre of the arena when the bone phone materialised.

"Err why is there a bone phone there now?" Asked Spider Jerusalem.

Gin stopped dancing at the sound of his voice and ran over to him.

"Oh my goat Spider? How did I not realise that you are here?"

"I think you were busy having too much fun with your big sword."

"It is fun," she said, "but it is so good to see you here. Hang on, I'll come round."

"Err Gin, before you do can you place a call and get Joe back here in tact?"

"Wha? You want him back, and human?" Gin couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Please. We've not finished yet."

This cheered Gin up and she called through.

"Yes I've been told we need him back...the full amount...thank you."

Soon Joe was standing in front of us once more.

"What the hell? Haven't you done enough to me already? You had to bring me back to inflict more pain on me?"

"No we haven’t done enough, and yes I did bring you back to inflict more pain on you. There are a few of us who still think you deserve more.

KATY?" I yelled across the arena. "WHAT WAS IT YOU SAID?"

"FIRE." She shouted back. "LOTS OF FIRE."

Suddenly Joe was surrounded by flames.

"ARGHHHH!"

We watched as the flames consumed him and for the second time in ten minutes he died.

De giggled and turned to Marina. "This really has been a fun day."

"It certainly has." she agreed.

"Glad you've enjoyed it, but it's not over yet." A couple of ideas had occurred to me as I had watched Joe burn. "VICKY DO YOU MIND?" I shouted.

"NOT AT ALL!" She shouted back. She knew there were advantages to staying a witch.

Vicky materialised in the centre of the arena, making those in the audience who had never seen her do it before jump.

She cackled at their reactions before taking out her wand and turning her attention to Joe's tombstone.

Vicky was consumed by a pillar of magical flame as red smoke started to billow out of thin air.

When the smoke cleared we saw that a not quite alive Joe was standing before us.

"Can you see that?" Asked Theo, stunned at what he had just witnessed.

"Yeah, zombie Joe. Sweet." Said Doc.

"What now!" Wailed Joe.

"Now I want to try something I've not had the chance to yet." I stood up and called forth the power of the bat box.

On the other side of the arena Indy was watching Di, a worried look on his face.

"Are you alright Mr Vetinari?" Asked Eddie.

"Call me Indy kid, and it's just...she's going to want powers like this back home isn't she?" Replied Indy.

Eddie looked at his clicky person dancing a jig as Joe lay sobbing on the ground. He turned back to Indy.

"Yes she is, and the first thing she'll want to do is march round to my house and blast the Bitch-Queen from Hell I am married to into a million pieces."

"Yeah."

"The important thing though," said Vicky who had been listening, "is that not only does she not have powers like this back home, but that she can never have powers like this in Regalton."

"That's not gonna stop her wanting them." Pointed out Indy.

"No it is not," agreed Vicky, "but I think that when she starts bitching and moaning about it, if someone who cares for her reminds her exactly why she doesn't have any powers she'll be alright with it."

Indy looked at Vicky. "You are a very perceptive and wise woman Vicky."

"I know. I just wish that more people would listen to me. Did you know I am thinking of changing my middle name from Rose to Cassandra?"

"I have already said I am sorry Vicky." Said Eddie. "I should have listened to you about Marielle."

"Yes, but only here. Not back home where it counts."